Once I gathered my thoughts after speaking with the Dr. I knew I had to call my mother. I sat in my car for a few minutes before I dialed her number.
” Be strong, don’t cry, you’re going to be okay.” I repeated to myself waiting for my mom to answer her phone.
This was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. How was I going to tell my mom who had gone through chemo and radiation, who had witnessed her mother battle breast cancer that I too had been diagnosed?
Mom: ” Hello.”
Me: ” Hey, I talked to the doctor…”
Mom: ” Okay. What did she say?”
I paused. In my mind, I thought I was just going to say it and get it over with, but when I went to open my mouth the words wouldn’t come out. I had a knot in my throat and tears swelling up in my eyes.
Me: “It’s cancer.” my voice cracked as soon as the two words came out of my mouth. It was as if those two words took everything out of me.
My mom shouted “No” and broke down crying.
My heart dropped.
The only other time I heard my mom cry this way was 2 years ago when my grandmother passed. It broke my heart and I had no words of comfort to offer because I hadn’t wrapped my mind around it myself.
“Ma, It’s going to be okay.” that’s all I had.
I felt like we had switched places. I remember when my mom told me she had breast cancer. I cried and cried. She was so strong. She was busy comforting me. Today, I was the one holding it together and she was breaking down. I had just received a call that I had breast cancer, but in that moment, I just wanted my mom to be okay.
Once she was okay, we agreed that it was best to tell my father in person.
I could tell my father already knew when he saw my mother and I walk through their door earlier than usual. As soon as my mom said “cancer” to him, I broke down. My dad is not big on crying. He just came over and hugged me and told me he loved me and everything was going to be fine.
I couldn’t begin to imagine what was really going through his mind. He had already watched my mom battle breast cancer, now his baby girl. I told my brother last and over the phone because I knew I couldn’t deal with seeing him break down.
I had breast cancer. I knew it and now my family knew it, but beyond that I was already convinced that I would be healed.
I went home that afternoon and I was given these scriptures. I wrote them down in a notebook and I read them daily:
” You dear children are from God have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4
” Be He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities, the chastisement [ needful to obtain] peace and well-being for us was upon Him, and with the stripes [that wounded] Him we are healed and made whole.” Isa 53:5
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” Romans 8:28
” Fear thou not; for I am with thee. Be not dismayed; for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness” Isa 41:10
” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8: 37-39