What Does it all mean?


The days that followed were such a blur. I felt like I lived at the Dr’s office.

My biopsy follow-up appointment made it all too real. I sat in the waiting room beside my mom tapping my fingers on the side of the chair and checking the time every five minutes.

Once my name was called, I gathered my things and instead of another waiting room, I was led down the hallway to a conference room. I sat at the head of the table and my mom sat beside me.

The Dr. immediately started rattling off things like: “chemotherapy, mastectomy, invasive ductal carcinoma, fast growing tumor and stage 2.” I sat at the head of the table quiet. For a minute I could see her mouth moving, but I  had checked out.

At the end of everything she asked if I had any questions. All I could do was shrug my shoulders and when I opened my mouth to speak…those darn tears again. Did she just say I had stage 2 breast cancer and I was going to have to have mastectomy?

I was overwhelmed. The more I tried to process what she had just said, the more tears came streaming down my cheeks. Every time I thought I had pulled myself together, there was another tear and another until I finally stopped long enough to ask what was next?

I was given an appointment to have an MRI done…

Was this really happening? I thought as I laid in the machine with headphones on listening to the loud banging. I had never had an MRI in my life, but I quickly figured out why they asked if I was claustrophobic.

I laid there still with my eyes closed, trying not to think about the IV in my arm and the tight space. When it was over, I was told my results would be sent to my Dr.

A few  appointments later  I found out there wasn’t just one tumor like we were initially told. The MRI results revealed that there were 2 tumors on my left breast and a lymph node under my arm.

I was told  the Dr. wanted to start chemo immediately to begin trying to shrink the tumors, followed by a double mastectomy. After weeks of appointments and still trying to process everything, I was just glad there was a treatment plan in place.

Operation kick cancer’s butt was in full effect.

“Fear NOT

fear not


  1. Jay Reeves says:

    Beautiful. Inspiring, Courageous. I’m glad I know you Monisha. I am a better person for having read this. Thanks. You are in my prayers.


  2. lindaperkins85 says:

    I am a breast cancer survivor of 14 years and a fellow MC alum (Class of 1984). I saw your blog link on a Facebook post of Camille Stell. Your faith in our Lord Jesus shows so much in your writing. Your posts have already shown God’s glory.
    I am so sorry that you are going through this at such a young age. I have a daughter close to your age and I know how your Mom must feel.
    Please know that I prayed for you and will continue. Please friend me on Facebook if I can help you in any other way. May our awesome God bless you mightily and may you feel His presence and have wisdom and discernment during your treatment.
    Linda Perkins


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