I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed. The heaviness that I felt the days before had been lifted, it was as if I had gotten my second wind.
I sat up in bed and I literally felt a shadow move from over me. When my feet touched the cold hardwood floor, I smiled to myself and said ” you should be very afraid.” Yes, I’m battling breast cancer, but I’m fully aware that the devil is busy at work around me looking for ways to distract, frustrate me and get me to a place of fear (like I had been last night).
The difference between last night and the way I woke up the next morning was this: I had come to the full realization of the POWER that resides in me. While I’ve heard, “Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world” several times and even quoted the scripture, I don’t think I ever sat and really thought about its significance until last night.
Last night was a turning point in not only my journey with breast cancer, but my walk with Christ. I am the devil’s worst nightmare. When you come to a place where you fully understand the power of God that is inside of you, it scares the devil. I believe this morning when my feet hit the floor it sent him and his demons running.
I decided today was the day I was going to finally take the wig cap off. I was no longer paralyzed by fear, I was ready.
I walked downstairs to my parents bathroom after grabbing a bag from the kitchen.
I untied my scarf and finally took off my wig cap. I took a second to take it all in. All the braids were still in place. I kind of expected to pull off the wig cap and end up picking up my hair off the floor, but it didn’t happen that way.
My hair was still braided up, but I noticed my edges and everything that wasn’t braided was completely bald. It took me a while to get over the initial shock.
I felt around to figure out where I should start and noticed something…
There was a bald spot in the back of my head. I grabbed my phone and used the front facing camera to look at what I was feeling. I couldn’t believe there was a large patch of hair missing.
I went on taking my braids loose. As I combed through my hair it came out in chunks. It was rough, I couldn’t believe all my hair was really coming out and I stuffed it all in the bag I had grabbed from the kitchen.
Once all the braids were out, I decided to wash what little hair was left on my head.
The remaining hair fell out and I finally took a look in the mirror at the small patches of hair that were barely holding on.
Looking back on how stressed out and afraid I had been a few days ago, I felt silly. I know it sounds crazy, but in that moment looking in the mirror and seeing myself with no hair, I felt more like a woman than I had ever felt.
I was ok. Chemo may have taken my hair, but not my joy!
I've always believed that we tend to be the most effective in areas where we have been the most affected. It's often our deepest pains that draw us closer to our purpose. Those words never really hit home until I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer at the age of 28. I had watched both my mother and grandmother battle the disease, but never thought I would find myself in the same battle, especially not so young. I've learned through this journey that it's not what you go through, but how you go through it. I wanted to share my story in hopes that it will inspire someone to keep fighting, keep the faith and live on purpose.