I was so grateful to have the help and support of my loved ones. I had to use a small stool to get in and out of the bed in my parents’ guest bedroom. I had to constantly have help adjusting all the pillows. Between the pain and having drains on each side, I wasn’t able to lay the way I wanted to. I had to sleep sitting up in bed.
I used the timer on my phone to make sure I kept my pain medicine in my system. I had used the saying “I feel like I’ve been ran over by a bus before,” but I don’t think I could say I’ve really felt that way until now. THIS had to be what being ran over by a bus felt like.
I turned my head when my mom would empty my drains and I refused to remove the bra I had on over my bandages. I was afraid of what was (or wasn’t) there. I would stand in the mirror and slowly move the bra, but as soon as I felt like I was getting too close, I would pull it back over the bandages.
I was exhausted. It was nice to have my boys climb in bed with me and read Bible stories. They were such great helpers. They would hold my hand as I climbed the stairs and made sure my water bottle stayed full and my pill bottles were within reach.
Most of my days were spent in bed. I would read my Bible or just spend quiet time in prayer. There were days when I closed my eyes and listened to the cars going up and down the street, birds chirping and an occasional bug thumping against the window. Some days I felt like the world around me was going on as usual and I was at a standstill.
I've always believed that we tend to be the most effective in areas where we have been the most affected. It's often our deepest pains that draw us closer to our purpose. Those words never really hit home until I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer at the age of 28. I had watched both my mother and grandmother battle the disease, but never thought I would find myself in the same battle, especially not so young. I've learned through this journey that it's not what you go through, but how you go through it. I wanted to share my story in hopes that it will inspire someone to keep fighting, keep the faith and live on purpose.